Weeping Willow

extraction

2010-06-13T06:37:00.002-04:00

We're down to the last two weeks in the only home our children have known. It is challenging to guide them through this process of farewells and last times they do certain things and see certain people. Right now they are drinking in as much as they can. Saying goodbye has become so very important to all of us. I finish with school this week and will move on to packing. Slowly we are loosening the knots of our web here so we can slip out. It is a challenge for the children to be excited about the future when it won't have their good friends in them on a daily basis. So we plan to come visit next spring and hope that it will allow them to keep open a space for new friends to come and happiness to be a part of their lives long before they reunite with everyone here.

Like my children, I also find beginnings and endings the hardest. Routine and everyday life are very comforting and while I welcome physical change, on the social level it's very challenging for me. On some level I am very excited about the move, but on another I am still way too enmeshed in everything here to be able to picture where we will be in just six weeks from now.

The most important and sometimes the hardest thing in all this is of course to remind ourselves to be kind and gentle to one another. It is so easy to just think of our own needs, but in the case of the children that means one needs to connect with someone almost constantly while the other needs to be left alone. As the adults, we have to put our own needs aside a little more than usual to be able to help them. So it's going to be challenging! But hopefully by August we will have found our home (for at least a year) and will be ready to jump into the newness of it all.

how to become a teacher

2010-05-15T09:49:00.002-04:00

Teaching a First Grade at a Waldorf School is quite a task. You have to decide on how to teach your different blocks, choose your stories, figure out what archetypal characters to use to teach the math processes, write painting stories, design the "form" of your classroom by picking transition songs or verses, looking for or writing a play, sew beanbags, put the classroom together and oh yeah, tell a story in front of the whole school on the first day.

I've been spinning my wheels a bit trying to figure out how to get started on this. I'm a fairly analytical person who is still working very hard to get in touch with her inner artist (I've found her but she's a bit shy), so I've been trying to process this all. As I was speaking with one of my mentors the other day, a helpful idea emerged. We were talking about Lecture two in Study of Man and this idea of mental pictures and concepts, when it dawned that people understad concepts in different ways. There are those who really see them in their mind's eye. Then there are those who are most comfortable in movement, and those who "feel" if things are true or false. It's leading me back to the idea of learning styles, though it's not just about how you learn but about how you perceive the world. What are the primary sensory avenues I use as an individual? How can I create lessons out of that?

Turns out that there will be some movement and a whole lot of stories around the things we do, because my pictures tend to come out of words. Now if I do my work well, I'll be writing the stories for myself, then drawing pictures out of that, then adding the story back but with many fewer words. And of course there will always be much acting out of stories, because that is as natural to me as breathing.

Yes, I think this will work.

countdown

2010-05-13T19:21:00.002-04:00

I can't believe it's only 6 or so weeks until we leave. Things are happening rather quickly with contracts on both houses, visit to school complete, lots of little details to take care of. I feel a bit insane at times with my head full of questions like: "are math gnomes the best way to go?" and "how do you figure out the best moving company?' and "should we ask for help and see who responds?" and "is the crazy neighbor going to ruin this for us?" and so on. You can imagine I'm not my most settled at this point.

But it feels good. The Wizard and I have been reflecting on our time here and to say we are ready to move on is a bit of an understatement. I can't wait, though I also can't fathom how I will get it all done between now and the end of August. One foot in front of the other. I look forward to writing a bit more here about my evolution as a teacher. So many questions to consider, from the right size and shape of beanbag to the Mood of the Fifth and beyond. I guess that's where faith comes in: the belief that it's all going to come together in a good way. Onward.

one step forward

2010-04-29T20:12:00.002-04:00

Things can turn on a dime, change in an instant. A few weeks ago I flew into a small town to visit a school. It was raining, gray and uninviting. I didn't much like the town and told the Wizard that night that I wanted to get on the next plane home so I could spend the break with my children. The next day came and I got to meet the school, and I fell in love with it. Now, almost a month later, our whole family is going back so my children and I can meet our new classes and the Wizard can scope out housing.

Every day more people in our community learn that we are leaving, and it truly feels bittersweet. While we have lamented not having close friends where we have been for 12 years, we do nevertheless have a community here that has supported us during the last three years. Add to that the overwhelm of getting and having a house on the market and all that two jobs and a 45 minute commute entail, and you have the right ingredients to something looking more like a pity party than a celebration. It is at these times that I wish our families were closer, because once again the Wizard and I are doing it all alone, and it's a bit more than we can both comfortably handle. But happily, in a few more months we will be able to settle into the future and live with the knowledge that our children will get to grow up in a small town. And that has to be worth it.

life continues to be mysterious

2010-03-10T08:40:00.002-05:00

Happy Spring - almost. After a very long and harsh winter for our latitude, the temperatures have risen and the flowers are starting to grow. As we breathe out into the garden for the first time in many months, we still find ourselves at a crossroads. Much learning has ensued, life isn't necessarily any more clear though.

I began the process of my job search in October, interviewed with what was my dream school, and then progressively learned that things aren't always what they seem. Politics and such are present in the most polished looking organization (perhaps especially there) and priorities shift. At this point I'm not closer to having a job but I know much more of what is really important to me and the family.

So the search continues. I visited one school that felt like "the place" for me, and all looked most excellent until a more senior teacher expressed interest in the position and I was asked to contact them again next year. So the question is whether I should keep looking elsewhere, or wait until something opens up in the community we have longed to be a part of for 15 years.

I continue to explore to find out. More meetings set up in a couple of weeks, meaning more time away from my family. It can be stressful being in the middle of these life changes and not knowing what the future brings, but in the meantime we remember that it's all good. We have so many options, and none of them are bad. Some of them are much preferred, but while we all get to dream we don't always get to determine the timeline in which our dreams come true. Things that are really worthwhile, are also worth waiting for. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

dreaming

2009-12-04T11:05:00.003-05:00

When I set out to become a Waldorf class teacher, I had a vision of the place, the children, the colleagues and the way I would be operating in all of it. After three years of teaching it has become clear that to manifest that vision will require a physical move of many hundreds of miles. The Wizard and I are busy putting one foot in front of the other to make our dream come true.

Sometimes I cannot believe how blessed I am. Three years ago I enrolled one of my children at our Waldorf School, very part time. By the following summer I was able to send both children and I had a job there, allowing me to gain experience and send my children where they needed to be. A number of friends pointed out to me how setting my intention was so hugely important in making a dream become reality.

The dream has shifted. I've been lucky to have been given the opportunity to learn for three years. I have my own classroom to develop my skills, but I've also been able to observe, substitute and student teach with a number of really gifted Waldorf teachers. Through artistic work I have learned to open my heart and receive the insights I need to support a group of children through their eight years. I am now less sure of my skills but more aware of my center; a humbling experience. At this time it feels like I need to take the plunge.

I have recently had the opportunity to apply for a job at my dream school (I won't hear back for a few weeks yet), two other schools in consideration have posted jobs, and I've landed an internship with two of the best teachers I know, all after a season of seeing things fall through. Once again my friends tell me that my determination is helping me put into place what my family needs. I chose to see it as a gift.

The biggest gift however has been visiting another school and learning that freed from the circumstances I now work under, I am able to truly find my center and connect with a multitude of children and adults on a level that feels carried from the outside. So as I go into Advent and the meditations of the Holy Nights, I focus my vision on achieving my dream: a position at a particular school in a specific caring community, in a geographic location that The Wizard and I have always felt as a healing tonic for our family. I hope to see my dream become manifest, for finding another dream will be a huge challenge. But I know that the universe has a plan and will reveal it all when the time is right. It is an exciting time and it's a little scary, but more than anything there is enormous gratitude for having this chance to dream.

dearly departed

2009-09-27T18:07:00.002-04:00

Feel the way we look up lovingly
To the heights that are now calling
You to different tasks from life on earth
Give to all your friends you left here
Of your strength from spirit spheres.

Listen to our souls' beseeching
That now intimateley asks you:
For our work on earth we require
Forces strong from spirit lands
That our friends now dead can give us.

'tis a hope that makes us joyful,
'tis a loss that hurts us deeply;
Let us hope that you, now farnear,
Never lost, our life may brighten
As a soul-star in the spirit realms.

Translation of Rudolf Steiner verse by P. Hoffmann

Fair

2009-09-20T18:30:00.003-04:00

With the Wizard away all day today, the kids and I went to our first ever county fair. We are now hooked and the children have been talking about what animals they're going to raise on their (hypothetical) farm. I'm so pleased that they had such a good time, I really didn't know going in how they would like it. We started our day looking at enormous sunflowers and other produce, and then we were able to help a man with his (antique) cider press. The Elf could have stayed right there for about 3 hours, chopping and pressing apples. But we did eventually move on and visited the chickens and rabbits in what is surely the loudest barn at the fair. We took lots of pictures of pretty birds. All of us so want to raise chickens, but that will require a move as in our county you have to own two acres of land to raise poultry, and we sure don't.

When we were able to say goodbye to the beautiful angora rabbits (of course we'll be raising those too, one day), we found our way to an area where a lady was spinning up alpaca. We talked spinning for a while and she showed us how to ply the yarn (easy with a spinning wheel, I wonder how it's possible without one?). From there we meandered into the "maternity barn" and happened upon a massive sow in labor. We watched one of the piglets emerge, and afterwards the Hobbit was quite adamant that there was no way she was born in any way resembling what she had just seen. So that was an interesting conversation. The Elf, true to her melancholic nature just stated that she didn't think it was fair to the sow to have to give birth surrounded by so many people and noise.

Following this amazing experience, we made our way over to the rides where we had to look at absolutely everything and have an ice cream cone before the girls could decide what to go on. They each tried out one ride, but the best choice was the Ferris Wheel which we all enjoyed. From up high we were able to watch the horse show. Lots of beautiful draft horses and wagons. As soon as our feet touched the ground we ran over there to watch some of the competition, which was fascinating.

So we had an eventful day with lots of new impressions to digest. I am sure I will be hearing from the Hobbit's teacher about the classroom discussions that will surely ensue from her witnessing a birth. As for the Elf, she cannot wait until she can raise her own chickens and rabbits, and maybe a cow, and of course horses and.... big plans are being made!

the end of summer

2009-09-07T18:22:00.002-04:00

It turns out our last few days of summer are rainy and gray, perfect weather to organize the house for the return to school. My workspace is almost ready, the children are excited and terrified, and I have collected binders full of materials for the year and am close to done with my planning.

The summer has been so full. There was teacher training, vacation, a death in the family, house projects, a few outings to the pool and other fun places, much time together just playing and cooking and being.

This schoolyear promises lots of transitions. The Hobbit starts First Grade and our family will be working to sell our house. If all works out, we will be relocating to a beautiful part of the country within the next year, where new opportunities and friends await. It is so very exciting and overwhelming at the same time. There are many things to be done, planned and dreamt between now and then. Of course there are also jobs to be done well, chores to be completed, children to be raised and animals to be cared for. A busy year indeed and I wouldn't have it any other way - at least not right now!

identity struggles

2009-06-24T14:40:00.002-04:00

When I began this blog, I wanted it to be focused on my inner journey as I go along this path of teacher training. What I have found is that I struggle to relate my experiences, particularly as they involve my work. So often I find myself wanting to post something but feeling that this may not be professional or in service of the children, and I stay silent. I need to think on the direction of this blog more, but in the meantime I will probably post more updates about the kids and other goings on.

In the last month, we graduated a class of seniors, had a wonderful 8th Grade commencement ceremony, moved the classes into their new rooms, finished up end of year meetings, and wrote reports. Now I have switched hats again, being full time at home with the children (except for the occasional meeting) and preparing to go for teacher training oh so very soon. I struggle to balance all these parts of my life, but I'm keeping my preparation work to early mornings, times when the kids won't miss me, and evenings. It will have to be enough.

The Hobbit turned seven a couple of weeks ago. A few days before her birthday she looked at me and said thoughtfully: "You know mom, I'm really not such a little girl anymore. I'm getting to be quite big." Yes, you are! And yet you are always my baby. Two years ago I was told by a Native American Elder that if she lived to be seven (given her many health issues), it meant that her soul wanted to stay here a good long while. I sure hope so. We are so blessed to have her in our lives. She has quite a strong (choleric) personality and lives life fully. Whether she paints, plays a game, bats at a ball or swings from the monkey bars, she is fully engaged in what she is doing, and always up for a new adventure. Life with the hobbit has been very unpredictable, but she has brought so much joy into our lives as well. Yes, maybe I should write more about my family.

weekend plans

2009-05-23T20:25:00.002-04:00

After spending last weekend with good friends who live six hours away, we decided to spend this holiday weekend at home. And what a beautiful and productive day it has been. I attended a workshop this morning, then came home and spent the rest of the day in the garden weeding, mulching, cutting my first harvest of herbs and digging up dead bushes. This is some of the most rewarding work in the world and I love the tiredness I come in with at the end of the day. Homemade pizza and a shared beer followed by a bit of plucking my guitar. A pretty fine weekend indeed.

I particularly like long weekends because of the room to breathe they give the kids. For them, today included a playdate and a streamwalk with friends, on top of some animal chores (guinea pigs, caterpillars), a bit of laundry and some room cleaning. It's so good to know that we won't have to rush them through chores tomorrow but can take two days to alternate work with bike rides, walks to the ice cream parlor and reading books in the hammock. Can't wait till summer break!

nine months

2009-05-10T13:13:00.002-04:00

Sometimes my learning curve as a teacher is painfully slow. But I'm always greatful when the answers I'm looking for come to me in the end.

From the day I started working at our school, I've asked the question what my role is as a subject teacher. In most situations the answer would be to teach a set of skills, in my case a language. It turns out though that it is so much more than that.

As a teacher of a small number of children in each grade, my primary goal is to support their class teacher. Yes, I teach a language. But in my classroom I have the opportunity to be another caring adult in the often difficult world of adolescence. Frequently, especially in seventh grade, it takes the children a really long time to settle into our routine. Like nine months.

This is how long it has taken me to finally understand what one of my most challenging students needs. On the surface he is a gregarious kid with not much of a care in life, always disrupting with jokes and laughter. A child who truly enjoys derailing lessons and preventing others from learning. All year I have wondered what is behind this behavior, I've taken this student into my meditative life, talked to other teachers, pondered. For nine months he remained a puzzle to be solved. Finally, last week the lightbulb went on. Since the connection to children does not occur in a linear fashion, I can't quite put my finger on what suddenly gave me insight into this child. But last Thursday I woke up knowing exactly what I needed to do to help him. For the first time I walked into the classroom being completely sure what I needed to say and in what tone so he could hear me. And once I spoke with him, for the first time this year I looked at a child who did not protest and had a glimpse of relief in his eyes.

It took nine months to get there, but it was totally worth the wait. I don't know where these insights will lead, but I am so greatful to be working with children in this way. Let's hear it for Waldorf Education and it's incredible wisdom.

this post has made my week

2009-05-10T13:10:00.001-04:00

I think we can all use a little reminder of it once in a while:

Enjoy one of my all time favorite posts from here

say aaaaah........ achoooo!

2009-05-02T18:58:00.002-04:00

My research paper is done, so I feel I finally have some time to get back to writing about more trivial things than what has occupied me in recent months. Unfortunately I am currently in a state of constant brain clog and sneezyness because of the insanely high oak pollen count in our area. One more week, and I should be able to go outside again.

Aren't you thrilled you got to read this today? It appears my writing muscles have atrophied. As, apparently have my teaching muscles. With a visitor in my classroom this last week, it soon became painfully obvious that my mind has not been on providing the children with a quality experience in weeks. The paper that never seemed to end eclipsed all else, and now it's time to clean house, sit down and plan, and get back to the things I do well more consciously. Oh yes, and like my husband mentioned, perhaps it's also time to getting back to being a wife and mother. Ouch.

So where have I been? Knee deep in Steiner of course, reading up on all things concerning love, relationships, karma, marriage and so on. This has deepened my understanding of anthroposophy in many ways that are still emerging. It also allowed me to look at my own relationships through different lenses, and has given me some new (much needed) skills in that area, I think.

One question that continues to occupy me is how training institutions for Waldorf teachers can help bridge the transition to a life informed by anthroposophy in a way that may be experienced more gently than is perhaps the case for a lot of people. It would be lovely if some courses included work on one's relationships in the context of anthroposophy, how to bring along or work with a partner or spouse who may have a very different spiritual path. Hmmm, this will continue to percolate for a while.

But spring is here, new beginnings, new projects and hopefully some new energy - as soon as the sneezing stops!

One in Two Million

2009-01-21T21:53:00.002-05:00

I almost made it to the inauguration yesterday, but the Hobbit woke up with a fever and so the Wizard and the Elf went by themselves. We live about 8 miles almost due west of the Lincoln Memorial, so I offered to drive them to one of the bridges they would have to cross on foot on account of all the closed roads. The drive towards the city was eerie. Normally this is a very busy commuter route, but on this day, there were precious few cars. Instead, groups of people, all walking silently in the same direction. The two adventurers hopped out of the car by a closed exit ramp and disappeared behind a bush on the embankment. The Hobbit and I drove home and turned on the television. At times the phone would ring and we'd get an update from our very excited family:

"Mommy, I'm in a sea of people!!! And I can't see a thing!"

"Hi Hon, the Elf is completely overwhelmed, so we're making our way back now."

They had staked out a spot near the Washington Monument, from where they watched the proceedings on a Jumbotron until the Elf got very cold. They lasted until just a few seconds past the Presidential oath, then turned and made their way out of the city before the rest of the people left.

When the Elf returned home, I expected a detailed description of her woes. Instead, she offered a rather mature "I was miserable while we were there, but I am so happy I went!"

While I was disappointed that I could not myself be a part of that sea of flag waving humanity, I am glad I was able to watch closeups of Barack Obama the moment before he stepped out of the Capitol building. As he was descending the stairs, he had this look on his face.... "destiny" was all I could think. It was very humbling to be able to witness this intimate moment, in which he was as fully conscious as I suppose any of us can ever hope to be. I did not see triumph, power, levity, but a grave look that left me thinking that this man is coming to serve us. I wish you well, Mr. President.

books and love and gratitude

2009-01-10T10:38:00.002-05:00

I am currently reading Henning Köhler's Difficult Children - there is no such thing. In the book, he explores (among other things) how our society and educational establishment today deal with children who fall outside the "norm" of behavior. In Chapter 6, Köhler talks about the debate of what is causing these differently wired children, and how it affects the way we view children. He addresses what the impulse of childhood means for our society today, and how we need to artistically help children find their way to who they are and what their mission is in this life. The sentence that sums it all up for me states:

"Wherever I do not approach the child by way of confirming his existence, I permit the feeling within me that he should not be allowed to exist the way he does, that, therefore, he ought to exist in a different way." He continues: "In so doing, I ruin his fundamental bodily security and reinforce the experiences of alienation... Wherever I do not summon an encouraging attitude, I lack confidence in the child's autonomous forces of development, and thereby undermine his sense of self-esteem, causing in him an underlying feeling of failure."

As the mother of a "difficult" child, this is deep food for thought. The question that arises is how do I identify the needs of a child who does not behave like most other children? When am I doing more harm and sending the message that my child ought to be different and when am I truly helpful? With all the dietary changes, supplementation etc. to address sensory issues and anxiety, not to mention all the physical, occupational and play therapy, am I ultimately helping the child become more "functional" in this world, or am I causing some level of harm? What is the price my child pays for all the good natured "behavior modifications" that have been drilled into us?

The answer of course is difficult. But I have tools: meditation, prayer, intuition. I usually know what is helping and what is hurting my child, which therapist is truly embracing who she is and which one is trying to "whip her into shape." Köhler speaks of "levels of love" that begin with a deep affirmation of the child's true nature deep within ourselves. Love as medicine, the most fundamental of all human truths.

I used to have a lot of trouble with this love. It was hard to love an infant who never seemed to sleep and spent most of her waking hours screaming and needing to be held. I always loved my child on some level, but there were periods of time when I didn't really like her, for she was so very hard to parent. I do see the effects of some of my feelings about her back then even today. But my child has taught me how to love her for who she is. One of the most effective therapies for both of us has been music therapy, in which we quickly learned how her intense noise sensitivity could blossom into a musical gift. Because so often we forget, don't we, that many of the behavioral "differences" we see in our children are the double of some deep and often hidden gift. Today, my "difficult" child (and she still has many challenges just to get through the day) is able to bring some of her gifts to the world. Her sweetness is healing to her teacher (and her mother!), her loving friendship supports a few other children (and adults) deeply, and her higher being shines through in so many ways every day that it is impossible not to see the spiritual being she is. She is a creator of beautiful artwork, and a loving sister. She deeply understands people and is an incredible listener.

In the end, I feel that Köhler is presenting me with a choice: do I want to see the "difficult" part of my child and focus merely on her less desirable behaviors, or do I want to affirm who my child is, and that these behaviors are caused by deep sensitivities, which can reveal a rare gift. I am so greatful that I have learned over time to affirm and let love shine a light on who this child really is.

farewell to 2008

2009-01-01T20:55:00.002-05:00

After our visitors left, we sat down for an early dinner. Every year, we write a list of our hopes for the year. We keep it inside our wall calendar and review the list on New Year's Eve. Our hopes for 2008 included good health for everyone, job satisfaction, harmony in our home, more time with friends and a long list of specific wishes for each family member. On the whole, even though 2008 felt like a big struggle a lot of the time, most of the important wishes were fulfilled, while a number of smaller ones (like going skiing) were not. Overall a good year.

We then took out scraps of paper and pens and took turns writing down all that occurred in 2008 which we didn't want to take into the new year with us. This included sibling fights, fears, hurt feelings and scraped knees among others. It was surprising to see how many things the girls wanted to leave behind, but also what they wanted to hang on to (like tears for example). When we couldn't think of another item to write on our paper scraps, we built a fire and took turns balling up our scraps and throwing them into the flames.

Some of the biggest blessings of 2008 were the Hobbit's continued health, as well as that of the Wizard's grandmother. We added two more pets to our family and had more time with just the four of us to enjoy. The Wizard and I overcame one of the most challenging years of our marriage, in which we both had to examine how much we meant to each other. In the end we chose to love each other more for who we are and who we are becoming, and 2009 is beginning with our relationship in the best place it has been in years. 2008 brought a lot of work stress for the whole family, and we will continue to learn how to balance full time working parents with the needs of our family and my studies. Financially 2008 has been a fair year, and we are hopeful in spite of the economy that we will be okay, provided the house and the cars hold up!

There is much work ahead all around. But we're all quite excited for 2009 and all the gifts and blessings and lessons it will bring into our lives.

I wish you all light, health and many blessings for 2009.

finding our essential traditions

2008-12-23T09:42:00.004-05:00

Christmas used to be very hectic around here. What with writing cards and baking cookies and making and buying and hosting and cleaning and cooking..... This was when I was home full time, thinking I had to do it all. Then I went back to work and slowly we started to let go of some things. For one, we will not travel over the holidays as it gives our family one time where we can truly just hang out at home for a few days in a row.

This year, I caught a cold right before the holidays. At first I thought how it ruined my plans to get all these seemingly important tasks accomplished. But now I am actually welcoming how it forces to slow me down. We will only bake one or two batches of cookies this year (having already baked pumpkin bread for everyone my children have contact with in their school). At this point, Christmas or even New Year's cards seem highly unlikely.

As we continue to pare down the holidays every year, the aspects of the holidays that are truly important to our family become clear. There are certain things that have become traditions in our little family:

Advent. Every year we decorate a simple wreath with Beeswax votives and some red bows. We have a little Advent celebration every Sunday, complete with stories and yummy treats. For an hour and often less, we sit together, watch the candles, sing songs and forget about our to do lists.

Winter Solstice. We don't have a big celebration to mark this turning point of the year, but we don't turn on any lights that day. After it gets dark, we light candles and lanterns all over the house. Because there is so little to do without light, we gather in the living room, make a big fire, talk and maybe read a story by candlelight. Then we go to bed early. The children love the connection it gives them to all the people they have heard about in "olden times." I love how deeply we all get to experience the darkness very directly, and how it brings us close together.

The Tree Lighting. Every year we put real candles on our Christmas tree. I grew up with this tradition and insist on it. A few years ago we started a tradition of inviting a small group of people over a couple of days before Christmas for hot cider, cookies and watching the Christmas tree all lit up with candles. It truly is a magical experience. Someone always bursts into song, and soon we've sung all the Christmas carols (and Hanukkah songs) we can remember. After a while the children all run off to play somewhere, while the adults sit around, grateful for a moment's quiet before everyone returns to their own home for last minute Christmas or Hannukah preparations.

Christmas Eve. In my home country of Germany, Christmas is celebrated on the 24th. As a result, our Christmas celebration really begins on this day. Our tradition is to go ice skating for a couple of hours in the early afternoon, then we come home and cook a duck - which the children insist on. We have a nice, early, festive meal, leaving lots of time for last minute gift wrapping and other preparations, and also eating our fair share of cookies and other treats. Then we hang out by the fire and light the Christmas tree again.

All these traditions have become very dear to our family. They bring those special moments of anticipation, of experiencing an inner light, of hope and joy, of moments of stillness, of crafting and preparation.

I wonder what essential traditions your family has for this time of year?

Evergreen garden

2008-12-10T21:45:00.003-05:00

There are many things about Waldorf Education that resonate in my heart with a loud "yes". One of the most significant is the event frequently known as the Advent Spiral. It never ceases to amaze me how one can create such meaningful beauty in the simplest of ways. I've always had a thing for labyrinths, and a spiral is a very simple labyrinth. In our school, the windows of the Eurythmy room are darkened, many greens are hung, and a very simple spiral of greens is laid out on the floor. It has a long path into the center, where a single candle is lit on a stump of wood, and a short path out. The spiral is lovingly decorated with all kinds of rock crystals, some wooden animals, and cut out paper stars. The children receive a red apple with a sprig of green and a small candle from their teacher. They walk slowly to the stump, light their candle, and place it on one of the paper stars. When all the children have walked, the room is illuminated by 20 candles.

What makes this simple little ceremony so special is the wonderful accompanyment we enjoy from two master lyre players, the reverence that the teachers hold, and the loving care that has been taken in decorating the room so beautifully. The children's personalities are very much evident. In this group of Children's Gardeners, age 4 through 6, the older children strike out with purpose and confidence, ready to take the responsibility of showing the youngers how it is done. The little children want to hold hands with their parents, are often dreamily lost in the beauty of the crystals and wooden animals, and frequently loose their way in the spiral (the older kids find this hilarious).

I was deeply touched by today's ceremony. For one, I've been coming off a very busy couple of weeks, and simply sitting in a candlelit room fragrant with the smell of pine boughs, listening to beautiful lyre music and holding my youngest on my lap, was a wonderful reminder to breathe in this season of last minute errands and mile long to do lists. On another level though I saw my child, now one of the oldest in her class, show her readiness to leave the world of playsilks and sandcastles behind, ready to cross the bridge into First Grade in less than a year. Not only will I no longer have any truly little ones in the house, but I never could have imagined almost 7 years ago that I would be so fortunate to watch my little special girl overcome such huge challenges and walk in front of me towards the center of the spiral, prepared for life and all that will meet her.

I simply love these moments that make me stop and catch my breath, and realize how very very blessed my life is.

holiday wishes

2008-12-08T14:10:00.002-05:00

I am just stopping by quickly to wish all my Muslim friends a happy Eid. While I was home alone this morning, I came across this blog which chronicles one man's experience of this year's Hajj. I found his writing both instructive and moving. Enjoy!

catching up

2008-12-07T11:14:00.002-05:00

Well, and how was your Thanksgiving all those many days ago? It appears that in spite of my best efforts time has in fact moved forward! I spent the last week doing double duty in my own classroom and in someone else's. I don't recommend taking on preparing additional curricula on a regular basis, because it really interferes with things like family and eating and sleeping.

Having said all that, it was a great experience. I was asked by one of our class teachers to spend two mornings in Main Lesson with her class of 17, and I am glad I did. This is a challenging group of children, and I remember thinking that if I can teach them anything, I need not worry about my teaching skills. I do think I succeeded in my attempts. I found this group of kids really needed me to be firm and strong, but also flexible. They need to be seen as the individuals they are, and truly one has to work with each individual child to remind them of their best abilities. They taught me a lot about successful class teaching. I am so greatful to them! I also managed to pull off my first ever blackboard drawing, and it was actually quite nice.

I also recently joined a study group. We are reading Steiner's Philosophy of Freedom. I have been wanting to read this for some time, but felt I could really benefit from the insights of others on this work. The primary method we are using in our study is that we read a number of paragraphs and try to summarize them in one or two sentences. I have found this approach to be extremely helpful because it helps me gain more clarity in my thinking when I prepare myself, and I get everyone else's input each week on all I have read.

Only two more weeks until winter break. I am so pulled towards home right now, with Advent and all the baking and crafting and singing with loved ones that entails. Unfortunately I have to write reports before any of that can happen, so I will likely be quiet for a while.

Choices

2008-11-23T15:18:00.002-05:00

Often I am not aware just how many of my feelings, views and reactions are a matter of choice. Today I have chosen:
- to take a nap instead of continuing to feel overwhelmed by all that I need to do;
- to laugh at Elf's knock-knock jokes for probably the 100th time;
- to spend time reading Steiner's Philosophy of Freedom;
- to accept that I probably won't get all of it this time;
- to forego an unhealthy food choice and have tea instead;
- to clean up other people's messes without grumbling;
- to let the Wizard be in charge of Thanksgiving - it's better for everyone this way;
- to spend a few minutes with the children without thinking about my to do list;
- to stop on my way to the basement to scratch my dog's ears;
- to remember my friend J. by trying hard to bring more kindness into my life.

I hope you had a lovely weekend with lots of goodness to choose from!

a counting game

2008-11-20T08:46:00.002-05:00

I introduced a new game with my 8th graders yesterday. It is always hard to know whether a game will be a hit or a flop, so I was surprised by the enthusiasm with which they received this very simple activity.

The instructions are very simple: the students are to count a range of numbers, say from 1 -20, 100 and up or whatever you choose (I am also planning to use letters of the alphabet, simple German verb conjugations etc.). Instead of having an order of which student goes when, they are to say the number out when it feels like it's their turn. The only rule is that if two students speak at the same time, they have to start over.

As I was watching the 8th grade, I saw just how deeply this game meets the children. For one, it is a rhythmical activity which helps them relax into class. They also have to get very still, listening to each other. This prepares them extremely well for the rest of class. Finally, the children love a challenge, and this game sets the tone for trying to do better all the time, an element that I have found can be challenging for some of the students.

So this one was a winner which we will be playing regularly.

Balancing Act

2008-11-16T16:24:00.002-05:00

I just spent the weekend cleaning the house with help from the Wizard. It feels so much more like home this way. During the week we are all so busy that things just tend to end up all over the place, which makes me sad. I always thought that my house would be cozy and inviting, but all too often it's chaotic and messy.

I used to be a full time homeschooling mom, and my house looked a lot cleaner. Now, with me back at work and both children in school, we're away so much and I've had to adjust my expectations. This is becoming a theme. I think in general we humans are not very good at predicting the unintended consequences of our decisions, the costs of the cost benefit equation. It never occurred to me that going back to school for my teacher certification would mean less time with my family on the weekends. I had no idea that going back to work would mean less time with my children. Maybe I'm just not very smart that way, but I see this inability to predict consequences elsewhere as well, such as meetings at school. It's remarkable, really, given that we are all people who strive to live our lives consciously. I wonder how and at what point experiences guides us in this way?